Toy Story

Image ©2010 Whyte Bikes

Remember how you felt as a child when someone took your favorite toy without notice and possibly broke the damn thing? Remember how mad you got, - no matter how worthless that stupid toy might have appeared to your friends - because it was so incredibly valuable to you. It was priceless and absolutely irreplacable, even with a shiny brand new one.

I am still that kid. I didn't have a lot of toys, but I loved every single of them.

I hate it when others mess with my stuff, or worse, I hate it when they steal them from me. The worse of this ilk, the most ruthless thieves are bike thieves. They not only steal your most precious toy, they take away all the memories, all your sweat and tears with it. They are the assholes of all thieves, like child abusers among criminals. No dignity whatsoever.

If you follow my blog, I assume you don't, you'd already know, that such an asshole snatched my beloved carbon mountain bike. I have a few other bikes in the garage, but it took me about 7 years and almost 35.000 kilometers on the saddle to find out which bike suits my riding style best and which bike delivers the most fun. That is why many people (call me an idiot) pay so much money for bikes. Your bike becomes a part of you, and you can't put a price tag on this.

And that's why you don't ask a biker mate how much he paid for his bike, but indeed how much fun he's having with it.

Bikes are like cars. They make you live your dream. They give you even more: get out explore the boundaries of your capability, put your courage to test, get fit and enjoy the beautiful ride surrounded by a scenery - live entertainment not even the best flatscreen TV can ever match.

Why do you think mountain bikers carry that big grin on their faces while riding as if they are constantly experiencing an orgasm?

And one day some idiot comes and steals all that from you.

Yes, I'm still very bitter about my stolen toy and I want it back. I know, I won't get it back, so I am thinking of buying a new one, probably the same bike I had, my Ibis Mojo, but maybe a brand new one, a new brand.

I just said, bikes are like cars. They are. Normal people buy cars after carefully comparing the features, prices, delivery options, make sure it fits their riding style and the region where they usually go out and ride. It is a mature decision without many feelings and they hope to grow on their new bike.

For those mature people there are a few great manufacturers in Germany, like Canyon, Focus, Ghost or Liteville among others. Everybody rides those. If not better, they are at least as good as the renowned big brands such as Specialized, Trek or Cannondale and mostly much cheaper, as many sell directly to their customers not through bike shops. I must admit, I even have a Canyon bike in the garage, which I've been enjoying a lot for years.

Some other people, however, decide with their hearts (or worse, with their balls) rather than their brains. These are the Maserati buyers among us, they hate mainstream. They carry Apple Laptops or drive Hybrid cars and are usually considered hopelessly romantic idiots or fanboys of unusual brands. I am one of those, an irrational jerk if you will, who mindlessly spends his savings on exotic machines.

My first car was an Austin Mini Cooper, my first computer was a Mac Plus (back in 1984) and my first girlfriend, a red haired bitch. These should give you an idea.

I have been checking out the bike mags lately, reading the tests, first rides and the impressions of the testers. All the german magazines are full of these Volkswagens, anything under 5 stars sounds like an insult. The bikes are all the same, almost identical specs, same ride, same old bullshit. More Michael Dell, less Steve Jobs.

Try riding in a group and there are at least 2 bikes of the same brand in that group and you'll now what I am talking about. As it happens, the only difference is the slightly adjusted configuration, so the whole small talk consists of how much is paid. It's dry, pure german-style Freude am Fahren - yeah everybody drives a 523 BMW here, but have you ever seen a fan club for that sucker? Unfortunately, there are not so many Maseratis around.

That's why I read the british bike magazines. They write more about the ride and less about the price. There are emotions and things get personal. I like that. You stop justifying the ride with the money you've paid. If the ride gets an "awesome", that is fine, who cares about the 5-star ratings? I don't.

My next toy will be a Maserati and it will have a story to tell. The bikes are all made in Taiwan, so the only real difference is, the jersey you're wearing. FC Chelsea, with all that russian millions, will never be FC Liverpool, and the german Hoffenheim will never ever be St. Pauli. So be it.

Once again I will spend a whole lot of money on a bike. Surely, the best bang for the buck comes from one of the grey wolves on the market, but I'll go for the horse on the logo. Jon Whyte is one of the best bike designers ever, maybe it's time to pay a tribute to him. Why not?

I don't think, I will see a Whyte bike on German in my neighborhood some time soon and this alone is a few cents worth. And this bike on the picture? That seems like love on the first sight.

Oh my god, what a stupid fan boy I am - I even started writing about the toys I dream of. Please ignore this and buy yourself a VW Golf, it doesn't even need you to park it, all done in best auto-pilot fashion.

Now that's what we call "Freude am Fahren!" - "fun to drive" in German. Yeah, fun.